Hurricane Bitter

Its been a weird year, our family has been going through illnesses and diseases like hurricanes through the alphabet. And just like hurricane season is not over yet for another 5 weeks, neither is 2005 and I am already wishing for 2006!

The real hurricanes make me curious, I want to know as much as I can about them. I am not sure what the draw to them is, but I have always felt overpowered by Mother Nature. Back in Holland or most of England you dont get to see the true beauty of this planet. I have been very fortunate to witness a lot of that beauty so far in my life.The other side of all that beauty is the natural destruction processes....In Holland we (luckily) don't get earthquakes, tsunami's or hurricanes. It's hard to understand what it must be like, except very freightening. And also the horrible consequences of these forces. So much death & destruction, paradises turned into nightmares. Sometimes boring old England is not so bad I guess.

The fictional hurricanes do happen in Holland, or wherever I have family and friends. They always sting, and mess up your feelings and strengths. (Random order)An aging grandmother, an ill friend, parents with heart problems, a terminally ill uncle, a dog with a serious infection, or a friend in need. It makes you think about them, the times spend, the future, when will you see eachother again, and how lost you feel without them. Its been bothering me a lot the last few months. I guess being away from most of my family, friends and my dogs makes me realize what I keep on a distance every time I am abroad. It's hard to really be there for people. But on the other hand I know that there is a world out there, with a place for me. Somewhere to call my own home. Where I can put all my things on the wall and dont have to live out of a suitcase.Where I can live without feeling like I need another holiday......

Donna died today. Known for her excited wagging of her tail targetting plenty of glasses on the surface. She was a mix of golden retriever and labrador, but fierce and alert as a shepherd. For the last week she was not doing well, vet couldnt pinpoint it but it seems a tumor near her liver was doing the damage. It was my sister in law Ingrid, my brother Caspar and their son Patrick's dog.